This article was originally published by the Star Observer. You can find the original article here.
Sex is bizarre at the best of times, but when your trans body is changing and new hormones are rewiring your brain it can get even more confusing. Old techniques don’t work any more, surprising new things turn you on, and it feels like you have to learn how to have sex all over again.
However, just because things are getting fucking weird doesn’t mean you can’t also be fucking weird. While most toys are designed for cis people, more are now being designed to suit our unique anatomy.
Lube
Lube is going to be in your life in a way it never has been before.
It can be euphoric for trans fems to feel wetness in the right place, and satisfying for trans mascs to fantasise they’re a half-naked Spartan from 300 being oiled up for battle (just me?) As trans people’s nads can get a bit sore as their genitals reconfigure into new forms, lube can also help smooth the way.
Shopping for lube can be annoying because a surprising number of them sting or are unnecessarily floral. I can’t go past KY Jelly, even though it has an annoying lid. However, I was gifted a bottle of Drip water-based lube by Queer Move when I moved house, and even though it has the ingredients of a fancy salad it’s one of the smoothest and long-lasting lubes I’ve ever used.
Vibrators
Vibrators still work extremely well on a trans masc body, though the type of vibration and its placement might need to change. After a few weeks of T, I felt like even being in the same room as a bullet vibrator was too intense, so a large wand vibrator with rumbly low vibration settings was a good investment for me.
Trans fems often find that they need very different kinds of stimulation as they transition, and vibration becomes much more pleasurable. Rather than focused attention on the tip, trans fems might also need slower, more diffuse sensation across the whole area. Erections also become softer, and many vibrators designed for cis men don’t work. These guides look into vibrators for trans women specifically, while this guide reviews penineum and prostate massagers but uses gendered language.
This is all starting to sound expensive, but happily, you can buy relatively cheap attachments for wand vibrators to try out different sensations. No matter your anatomy, attachments that have lobes that grip or wrap around a shaft are worth trying out.
Clitoral suction vibrators are popular for a reason but can be finicky on trans masc anatomy. This guide gives a thorough overview.
Strokers and sleeves
These little tubes are like fun little buns for your miniature sausage. They’re basically a smaller version of a fleshlight, simulating a blowjob by providing suction and texture. This guide reviews a bunch.
In my opinion, Tenga eggs are a good place to start just to get an idea of what direction to go in – they’re cheap, come in multiple textures, are easy to wash, but are designed to be disposable. Because they’re squishy and the hole is large, they can fit basically anyone, but it means that the experience is more about texture than suction.
Grinders
This grinder for trans fems promises to let trans women masturbate in a more gender-affirming way by combining a sleeve and a harness. This lets women use a grinding rather than stroking motion. If you don’t mind using your hands, a soft silicone grinder that fits a bullet vibrator, wearing a Tenga egg as a glove, or a fancy tentacle glove can be another alternative.
T completely changed the kinds of sensations I found pleasurable, so grinders promised a way to explore new kinds of feelings. Grinders are often made by small independent sex toy shops, many of which prioritise trans masc designs. I found this one by Kraken Monster Labs to be a good use of my time, with a soft squishy shaft that can either be inserted or flattened to tickle the perineum. However, like strokers and clit suction devices, penetrable grinders can be very hit or miss.
Dildos
If you enjoy your vag, it really is a matter of using it or losing it. Testosterone usually causes some level of vaginal atrophy, where the vagina slowly starts to shut up shop and doesn’t lubricate or stretch as well as it used to. For trans masc people on T (but not low-dose T), this usually happens around the 18 month mark. However, you can mitigate atrophy by keeping your vag open for business and using high-quality insertable toys or medical dilators. Cheap dildos are like cheap parachutes – not something you want inside your body.
I’ve never been a gender-neutral size monarch, but after T I found my insertables needed to be softer to be comfortable. Dual-density dildos have a soft silicone exterior around a hard internal core, so are useful both for a gentle solo session, or strapped on for a thorough pounding.
For trans fems interested in exploring being penetrated, unfortunately most guides and reviews are aimed at cis people, but generally it’s better to start with something small specifically designed for butt stuff like a butt plug before moving onto larger insertables like dildos. Although this article is a decade old, it still stands up well as a beginner’s guide.
Pumps
While trans people definitely have erections, trans masc penises don’t have the exact same kind of internal structures that can fill and hold blood, and trans fem penises work more like a large clitoris. This means that in both cases, erections generally aren’t as hard or firm as they would be for a cis person.
A vacuum pump designed for erectile dysfunction can help with this by forcing blood and lymph fluid into the penis. This can make erections much bigger and firmer than you’d get on your own, which can be super fun – but it does come with some risks.
There are tons of instructions online about best pumping techniques, but personal comfort is the real guide. You’ll want to feel a pleasant tug, not a forceful pull. If you haven’t used a pump before, start slow, using it at a low pressure (my experience is that 2-5inHg is enough) for 30 seconds to a minute before taking a break. You can repeat this series of pumping and breaks for about 10-15 minutes. Your penis should go back to normal after a few minutes after a session – if the swelling lasts longer than that, it means you’ve caused edema; a buildup of lymph fluid. This isn’t a huge deal and should fix itself in a few hours, but it can be uncomfortable and it’s a sign you’ve pumped at too high a pressure or for too long.
This guide goes through the more popular pumps on the market for trans masc people, but tbh I’ve bought all my pumps from Aliexpress or Temu for half the price.
Cock rings are great for maintaining an erection, but the traditional circle shape can be difficult for trans guys. Adjustable noose-type cock rings are very handy, but you want to be extremely careful you don’t pull them too tight. Adjust your cock ring to the point where you feel like it’s not going to fall off. It should feel like a gentle hold rather than a tight grip. Don’t wear it for more than 20 minutes, and take it off immediately if things start to change colour, go numb, or just feel strange.
Finishing off
The thing about sex toys is they’re expensive, you can’t try them out before you buy them, and you can’t return them. This means they can be a very spenno experiment.=
Unfortunately, people are all different, so even reviews only go so far.
Ultimately, the best sex toy you can ever have is a good relationship with your body and the people touching it. Even a candlelit hour with the Pope and a Buttblaster 5000 wouldn’t fill the void left by a lack of self-love (though would give you a very interesting story to tell at brunch.)
Whether it buzzes, thrusts, or just fits perfectly, the best sex toy is the one that makes you feel most at home in your body – or at least makes your neighbours put in a noise complaint.
